Launching Pad Angst

and so I dream
and so I procrastinate
and so I piddle around
with potential plans
waiting for a sign
from someplace
I'm not sure where
or what it would be
or how I would recognize it
but the sign doesn't come
and time moves on
and not a thing gets done
no
not a thing gets done
delusions of grandeur
have nothing on me
I've been there
done that
more than once
then one day
the mind feels clear
I begin to believe
I can do it now
so I quickly prepare
but I have this sense
that something bad
is about to happen
and surely enough
that thing I didn't really know about
but still worried about
came about
and like so many times before
my dreams explode on the launching pad
not that they were ready for takeoff
I merely thought I had a good design
for the rocket
and some idea about
creating the payload

after an appropriate period of mourning
after it stops hurting a little
I pick up the pieces
not all of them
a few important ones
I leave behind
they are too heavy
too damaged
or too much trouble
and then I start over
my conscious mind dreams
procrastinates
piddles with plans
my subconscious mind
never forgets
at least
not for a very long while
to stay away
from that damned launching pad